In Forgotten Young Dads, the actor sets out to explore what it’s really like to be a young dad today – and how they’re coping with their treatment in society
The subject of fathers and sons seems to be having something of a moment. It has perhaps been sparked by the success of Adolescence, the landmark Netflix drama written by Jack Thorne, which looked at the influence of toxic masculinity on young men and boys, and prompted a national conversation on how to better look after them.
One of the stars of that series, Stephen Graham, is currently working on a book about what it is to be a man, and now comes Joe Swash, former EastEnders actor, partner of Stacey Solomon, and himself a father of – goodness me – six children, with his own hour-long documentary.
Forgotten Young Dads focuses on four men, each barely out of their teens, who – mostly by accident – find themselves in the family way, and asks: How are you coping? How does society treat you? What hopes do you have for the future?
There’s Oran from Belfast, whose girlfriend became pregnant when he was just 16. “I was 16 doing a 20-year-old’s job,” he says, revealing one perspective on parenthood that might not be universally shared. There is Albert, a 22-year-old from London, who temporarily dropped out of university in order to help raise his baby daughter; and 21-year-old Josh from Sunderland, who became father to twins when he was 18.
The fourth is Wyatt, 18, from Clacton, a stay-at-home father who tends to his baby son while his girlfriend holds down a full-time job. After the couple have tried in vain to find a place to live, with some landlords convinced that young people quite so burdened are unlikely to pay rent on time, Swash tells them: “You’re like Romeo and Juliet.”
Swash, like his wife, is a brash and likeable on-screen presence able to relate to his subjects because, wealth, fame and stints on I’m a Celebrity aside, he is very much one of them. He lost his father when he was 12-years-old, and had his first child aged 25. He’s now 44. “I’ve struggled with my identity and masculinity because I didn’t have a dad,” he tells them. They nod, because not all of them had strong male role models either.
Each believes that society has it in for them, and expects them to fail. It is taken for granted, they say, that people who have children young tend to struggle in their relationships. There are many absent fathers. But look here at Wyatt, Swash says, the son of drug-dependent parents diligently raising his son with a maturity beyond his years. Perhaps we’re underestimating our young men?
The documentary works hard to challenge that largely unhelpful stereotype. Unplanned pregnancy may well send most of us into an initial panic, but parents – women and men – do tend increasingly to dig deep, and in doing so, reveal their best selves. These four fathers love their kids, and work hard to provide for them. And while they may complain about a lack of infrastructure, convinced that the assistance available remains largely focused upon mothers, they have grit and tenacity.
Albert returns to university in pursuit of a better life for his daughter; Wyatt eventually finds a family home. Oran and his partner, meanwhile, are social media stars whose content focuses on being young parents. They make more money from their online videos than they do their day jobs. They’re doing just fine.
There are, of course, far deeper layers to this complex subject, and it would take much longer than an hour to fully explore them. But Swash, skimming a stone across its surface, does a fine job in highlighting how, actually, quietly positive male role models might well be all around us. We just have to switch our antenna accordingly.
Joe Swash: Forgotten Young Dads is streaming on BBC iPlayer
