Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have filed for divorce after 19 years together, citing ‘marital difficulties and irreconcilable differences’ in court papers filed by Kidman this week.
Sources claim the split has been a long time coming and ’wasn’t a secret’ among friends, with TMZ reporting that they have been living largely separate lives for a while now. Urban had spoken about their unconventional living arrangement in 2020, telling The Times, ‘We live in different places – between Nashville and London – so we’re just used to not having a particular structure. It’s based on whether Nic’s working, [or] whether I’m working.’
Kidman was recently back living in London to film Practical Magical 2, while Urban has been touring the US. Why did it seem like such a shock to fans then? Because as recently as June Kidman posted an anniversary tribute to Urban, a sweet picture of them together to celebrate 19 years or marriage.
While some report that Kidman was ‘fighting for the marriage’, details coming from the divorce filing paint a picture of a meticulous and long-planned separation. Everything from custody arrangements for their teenage daughters (Sunday Rose, 17, and Faith Margaret, 14) to how they’ll split kitchen appliances have been already agreed. Kidman will be the primary residential parent, with Rose and Faith spending 306 days a year with her to Urban’s 59 (he has them for alternate weekends). They’ll alternate Thanksgiving, Christmas and Spring vacations – while both get two full weeks of summer holidays with the children. ‘[They’ll] encourage each child to continue to love the other parent and be comfortable in both families,’ the filing states.
When it comes to financials, their divorce is about as clean as it can get. With both of their incomes listed as over $100,000 per month, neither will pay spousal or child support, and each are responsible for their own debts. Their bank accounts and investments were always separate, both waiving rights to each other’s, and they don’t have any joint assets in their own names (all their real estate is held in trusts or LLCs and so is split according to initial agreements). Retirements, intellectual property, even travel points from credit cards have been noted as each keeping what’s in their own name.
And in the ultimate act of severing financial ties, Urban has prepaid all necessary child support obligations – from his share of childcare and private school to extracurriculars, through to their graduation – upfront. Furniture, art, vehicles and jewellery have also already been cleanly split, each keeping whatever is in their own name.
What’s clear from the filings is that both Urban and Kidman are separating on equal terms, and yet from the look of certain tabloid headlines and social media spins, you’d think Kidman had returned home to find herself turned out onto the street, a Scarlett letter scarred onto her forehead, with neighbours lining the street to shout ‘SHAME’ for letting a lovely, kind man feel so neglected. That’s the message anyway, that Kidman was left ‘blindsided’ by the divorce, too self-absorbed to notice Urban was pulling away, far too focused on work and refusing to satisfy Urban’s sexual appetite after her long sex-scene-filled days at the office.
It’s a classic response from a society that thrives on misogynistic rage-bait.
‘How Nicole Kidman’s steamy movie romps with young hunks “sparked fury” from “insecure” Keith Urban ahead of sudden split,’ one headline reads. ‘Nicole Kidman had to pause filming erotic drama after copious sex scenes left her “never wanting to be touched again” – as intense work schedule put strain on marriage with Keith Urban,’ says another.
Are we surprised? Not really. It’s a classic response in a society that thrives on feeding rage-bait and perpetuating misogyny. Of course it would be all the woman’s fault, of course she worked too hard and neglected her sweet, lonely husband. It couldn’t just be that after near two-decades together and two teenage children, the relationship ran its course. It couldn’t be that the husband also worked long hours, was often away from home, or neglected her needs. It must be the woman’s fault, right?
The framing of the divorce as a massive failure is in itself ludicrous. This is a couple who spent 20 years together building a life, raising children that are now forging careers of their own, entering into a very relatable phase of life – when your teenage kids are almost out the house for good, and where you naturally begin to question if you need to shift your priorities. They have 20 years of memories together and now choose to prioritise their own happiness. Separating, rather than staying together ‘for the kids’ is never a failure – nor does it need to lead to one person being vilified. If the news of their divorce proves anything it’s that this former Hollywood power couple are separating on their own terms, and as equals. The tabloids and trolls should take note.
Georgia Aspinall is an award-winning journalist and acting assistant editor at Grazia UK, previously senior editor. As well as co-ordinating news and features for both digital and print, she is responsible for Grazia’s campaigning efforts. Georgia has a vast knowledge of digital journalism and SEO best practice, covering women’s interest stories across politics, health, dating, travel and pop culture.
