Channel 5’s crime dramas are a genre unto themselves, made up of 20 per cent grit, 30 per cent heavily foreshadowed twist, and 50 per cent cosy intrigue. You could call them formulaic, or you could cheer up and – literally – get with the program(mes).
In that spirit, and although 5’s latest offering The Game – about a detective who reopens a cold case, starring Jason Watkins and transfixing the nation over the past week – has finally come to an end, there’s no need for the criminal fun to stop. I’ve watched my fair share of 5’s crime dramas, so I’ve rounded up the best of the channel’s back-catalogue, perfect for plugging the schlocky hole in your heart.
Riptide
Exemplary of 5’s inimitable style, Riptide, begins with domestic bliss before promptly exploding it. Newlyweds Alison (Jo Joyner) and Sean (Peter O’Brien) live a life of luxury and ease in Melbourne – that is, until Sean’s son from a previous marriage barges in to accuse Alison of being a gold digger, and Sean goes missing after a surfing trip. Is his disappearance a tragic accident or a result of foul play?
While the drama verges on paint-by-numbers predictability at times, confident performances from Joyner and O’Brien mean it feels comforting rather than tedious – snuggle down and let the riptide pull you under.
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Heat
Also set in Australia, Heat stars Danny Dyer as British ex-pat Steve, whose long-buried secrets threaten to surface on a group holiday with family friends Brad and Louise. As bushfires begin to rage, so the tension rises – Steve is in debt, Brad’s having an emotional affair with Steve’s wife Sarah, and their daughter’s ne’er-do-well boyfriend is forced to stay with them when fires cut off the road back to Sydney.
As the series continues, it takes in sex tapes, drugs, extortion, mortal peril – melodramatic maybe, but isn’t that what we’re here for? Certainly, you couldn’t accuse aptly-named Heat of being lukewarm.
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The Drowning
Jill Halfpenny stars as Jodie, a woman trying to rebuild her life after the death of her four-year-old son Tom. When she sees an older child with Tom’s characteristic curly hair and scar years later, Jodie becomes convinced he isn’t dead after all – but is she on to something, or is it just wishful thinking?
As Jodie finds ways to inveigle herself into the boy’s orbit, his father’s suspicions are piqued – again, it’s left ambiguous whether he’s rightly freaked out by this stranger’s sudden interest in his child, or he’s got something to hide, until the crucial moment. Delectable domestic drama.
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The Feud
Starring – you’ll be surprised to hear – Jill Halfpenny, The Feud takes festering fury as its subject, and a suburban street as its setting. Via a potential buyer coming to view a house, we learn that the previous owners were killed, but who were they? And how did they die?
As the series continues, it sets up numerous suspects and possible motives, each pettier than the last: affairs, coveted new kitchens and passive-aggressive parking are all drawn into the street’s roiling pot of resentment. Keep your wits about you – Neighbourhood Watch never felt so necessary.
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The Night Caller
One of 5’s more experimental conceits, The Night Caller follows cab driver Tony (Robert Glenister) as he drives around dingy Liverpool streets on the late shift, always tuned in to his favourite radio talk show.
Lonely and emotionally wounded after an accident ended his decades-long teaching career, Tony is the perfect receptacle for its provocative, populist messaging – and when he begins calling in himself, the ante really ramps up.
Better still, The Night Caller’s compelling story is matched by deeply stylish visuals – think Edward Hopper meets Martin Parr, and you’ve got the aesthetic vibe.
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Penance
Adapted by author Kate O’Riordan from her novel of the same name, Penance is brimming with salacious sex and sadness. When her son Rob dies in a swimming accident while backpacking in Thailand, Rosalie Douglas (Julie Graham) and her family go off the deep end.
While her daughter starts hanging out with the wrong crowd, her husband has an affair, and Rosalie herself strikes up a queasy romance with a young man who looks uncannily like her dead son. As long as you can suspend disbelief, Penance is a breathtaking, Oedipal romp.
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The Good Ship Murder
Starring Shayne Ward as cop-turned-cruise ship singer Jack, who solves one crime per voyage while navigating on-board romances and low-stakes family strife, The Good Ship Murder is as delightfully camp as it sounds.
Meanwhile, the drama’s cruise-y nature delivers different glamorous settings for each mystery, from Rome to Madeira, with Ward singing full-length ballads at the drop of a hat. It’s genuinely hysterical, whether it means to be or not, but I couldn’t recommend The Good Ship Murder more fulsomely – all aboard, laughs guaranteed.
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The Cuckoo
Altogether slicker is The Cuckoo, starring Jill Halfpenny(!) as mysterious interloper Sian, who answers a family’s ad for a lodger before embedding herself in their lives more deeply than they could have bargained for.
Although dad Nick quickly becomes suspicious, his wife Jessica and teenager Alice welcome Sian’s interruption of their fraught mother-daughter dynamic; viewers are left to guess what’s really motivating her keen interest in Alice, especially. Silky and sinister, The Cuckoo ratchets up its tension by expert degrees.
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Blindspot
In Blindspot, Ross Kemp plays archetypal harried policeman Tony, juggling his personal demons with the professional task at hand. Namely, he’s investigating the death of a young woman called Zoe, beaten to death by her mugger accomplice in a panic when the person they were planning to rob – Hannah – recognised her.
Trouble is, all this happened in a CCTV blind spot, and suddenly Hannah’s not seeming like the most reliable witness.
Meanwhile, Tony’s ex-wife won’t let him forget that he’s yet to track down her friend’s killer – can’t a world-weary cop catch a break round here? Thankfully, for viewers of absorbing Blindspot, the answer is: no!
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The Trial
One of 5’s latest offerings to the crime drama gods, The Trial is set in 2035 and asks a chillingly relatable question: how culpable are parents in the wrongdoings of their children? As smug middle-class David and Dione Sinclair (Ben Miles, Claire Skinner) are questioned about their parenting of teenage daughter Teah by the “Office of Judicial Inquisition,” their veneer of propriety crumbles.
And as Teah’s own wrongdoing comes into focus, The Trial asks admirably ambitious questions for a weeknight drama: how far back can you pass the buck? What do we owe our children, and they us?
Watch here
Cold Call
Could scam calls be anything but a modern-day nuisance? Well, in 2019 drama Cold Call, they’re the centre of a scintillating mystery. When care-worker June (Sally Lindsay) loses her life savings to a scammer over the phone, she becomes determined to regain control and ends up working for the man who stole everything from her.
The show’s compelling concept, along with its elegant exploration of the psychological impact of falling victim to a fraudster, make Cold Call just as relevant as ever six years after its release.
Watch here
